I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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