People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
