flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
