I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My ass is underappreciated
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
