I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
