Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
