Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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