alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize