They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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