I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
