dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
