I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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