i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
