Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
