Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
