guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
