i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
