I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
