You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
