I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
