Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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