Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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