where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
