i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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