Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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