call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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