Please, let me fuck your mom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
