There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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