Define "chronic" masturbator.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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