i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize