Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
