he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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