Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She bit a glass in half.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
