if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
