My Higher Power is John Stamos
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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