If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
