he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
