Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
do nipples grow back?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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