The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
