12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
