remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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