i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
