very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
