You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
