every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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