I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
