I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize