I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
