the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
