The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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