Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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