i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
