pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
