Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How's work?
Spinning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
