Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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