i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
And then he peed in my hair
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