i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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