he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
