and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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