Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
