You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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