i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am naked and annoyed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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