I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
