I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
