i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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