I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
