you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
