For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
